Elbow Nipples

I've been feeling all too blessed to be here in this big bad world that we call home.  But... what comfort I feel when I realize that this is not home is fifteen katrillion bajillion mcmillion times better. This is the time to prepare to meet God. That is what I shall do. Prepare like a mad man.

Howevzies, that's not what I want to talk about at this time. Nope not at all. I want to talk about my Momzie. Shez the bestiez.

||| DONNA |||
Age: 39 years and 343 days old
Favorite color: Purple
Guilty pleasure: Pillows (hers loves tos sleeps withs pillers)
Nickname[s]: Mom, Mommy, Mother, Mumzie, Mummy, Maw 

This here is my mommy. This straw to my berry. The Fat to my Amy. The best to my friend. The crazy to my *b*. She's the bomb and I'm so blessed, SO blessed, to have her as the one to guide me down the paths of righteousness. 

Let me tell you a little something about this momzilla of my mine.

At the tender age of 25 she was diagnosed with a slew of health problems. One of which is Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA).

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) is a chronic disease that causes pain, stiffness, swelling, and loss of function in the joints. It occurs when your immune system, the system that protects your body from outside harm, mistakenly starts attacking healthy tissue.

This causes inflammation that leads to swelling in the joints, making them progressively less and less mobile. If not managed properly, over time, RA can cause joint damage—and can even result in permanent joint destruction. And keep you from doing the things you love.

The autoimmune process that wreaks havoc on the joints can also affect the eyes, lungs, skin, heart and blood vessels, and other organs. The medications you take for RA can have unwanted side effects as well. And, dealing with a chronic disease like RA day in and day out may cause emotional distress. Many people with RA suffer from depression.

Ol' girl has RA to the worst extent. 
Physically, she is a lame horse. 
Emotionally, she is a ticking time bomb. 
Mentally, she as sharp as a tack. 

ME? Meh. My emotions are sad. 
When I think of my mommy, it makes my whole heart sad. She is SO young and has been given SO much.  Sure, she's made some silly decisions up until the age of 25; but, HEY she is a changed lady and I'm blessed to have her. 

On the rheumatoid factor--a blood test that measures the amount of the RF antibody in the blood-- she doesn't even register on the scale. You get this little figure " >1000" Isn't that promising? 

My mom is sicky. One day she will get better AND it will be great. But until then, I just want you to know about this little gem who has the very best title in the world: Mommy. 

RA is a bitch. What hurts more than anything is knowing that Sophia and John haven't had the same Donna that I did at their age. A part of me covets that special time I had with her when she was healthy but another part of my wants to shove those memories away so it is fair to the young little kiddos. MEH. ya do what ya gots tuh do. 

I'm blessed. So are you. 

PS- Elbow Nipples are what we call mom's nodules on her elbows... They look like the daintiest little nippy nips. If you're nice, she'll let you touch them (;

904 < 801

In 99 short short days, I will be in the promised land.


That is all.

Enjoy some things that make me happy:

Funny messages from your bae. 

An elder who I used to hate... But now he holds a tiny little piece of my heart. Kinda. 

Krysti and I define awk-uh-awkward. 

No spaces, journal quoting, while at work.... YEAH! 

God is good friends, God is good. 

Sugar Honey Iced Tea

Well, shoot.

I didn't want this to happen. Not even a tiny bit. I'll just be over here listening to this. Over and over and over and over... Until... Forever.

Why are boys so dang confusing?!?!

I just want to be in love already. NO. I'm lying to you. I don't want to be in love, I want a man to appreciate me. I want him to be my very best friend where there is a great potential that love could blossom. I want to be able to send "good morning, cupcake" texts to a delectable young man and know that he is smiling so brightly because of it. I want to know that I am more than just someone to be used. I want to know what makes him tick. I want to take long drives going nowhere with the windows down.  I want him to appreciate my attempt to understand sports... | Healer Jim has taught me a little about a lot, yet I still know nothing | I just want to experience life with another person... that I love.

But, that won't happen. Not even in the infamous marriage hungry LDS church. Why?

"Hannah, you have such a pretty face."
"If we weren't best friends, you'd be my type."
"Why do you have to be so tall?"
"We can go out but on the other side of town." (you'd be surprised ow many times of heard this one)
"You have such a sweet spirit."
"Hannah, I really need to tell you something... I... I just really... I just really like... NOT YOU." Oh who is not you? Don't worry, just your best friend.

Oh, Hannah... You have such a pretty sweet spirit face.

Looks are everything. My feelings do get hurt. I'm human. But, I like you... & the gospel is true. That's all I need.

Peace and Boobies,



As I was working my little life away for the State of Florida, this morning, I decided to take a little break to write a letter. Shout out to you Riley James for letting me poor my heart out-- you're a man's man and I love you to forever times infinity.

It was with this pouring of soul into a letter that I realized that I need to calm down and just appreciate this glorious life. I say that all of the time, right? Right. Well... Let me be more specific for you. I like to compare myself to other people. It isn't a great way to do things; but, it's how I do it. I hate the fact that I have three of the most gorgeous sisters in all of forever. A few choice best friends that are pretty damn sexy... Why can't I be damn sexy? Do you catch me yet? Everything in this life is about looks. You have to be the most thin, the biggest boobied, and overall natural beauty queen to be appreciated in life. MEHHH!!!! I AM NOT THOSE THINGS SO I MUST SUCK, RIGHT? Wrong.

Looks are not everything. Let me tell you... Suckers.

I am Hannah.

I was born in the greatest month in all of the year, May.

I am a girl who is over six feet tall who is extra svelte.

I have five siblings, two mothers, one father, over nine grandparents, three nieces, a nephew, a goddaughter, too many aunts and uncles, some choice cousins, six dogs and a cat (maybe three but I don't like those other two, so we'll go with one).

I have earned scholarships and grants to pay for my schooling.

I have a 3.7 GPA.

I work for a state agency.

I have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am witty.

I am sarcastically brilliant.

I only but TOMS in hopes that I really am helping a child in need.

I am great.

Today, I caught the feelz. The feelings of love and appreciation for all things glorious and bright. I caught the feelings of Father's love for me and approval of my life. I am no longer trying to live my life according to my surroundings, I have no need to impress you.  I am pretty great just the way I am.  Fat, tall, green eyed, pigeon toed, gap teethed, fingernail biting, skirt wearing, lover.

I'm a lover not a fighter. Thus, I am no longer go to fight myself.


Keep calm and take a selfie, you'll feel better... I promise. 

Sad heart

Here is a tiny little secret for you.

I have this crazy thing called anxiety. Don't worry, you can't catch it.

It's a hard thing to deal with. The overwhelming feelings of panic, fear, uneasiness, sadness, anger... It's a real mental illness, peeps-- and I get to live it every day. Every. Damn. Day. It creeps up on you without warning, it shows it's ugly face in the worst of times, it triggers other problems, it sucks. Plain and simple.

HOWEVEEEEERRRRR... It's a tiny blessing.

1) it's comforting to know that Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me such a terrible obstacle to overcome

2) I have an excuse for my craziness... many women don't

The beautiful moment when you are able to go into a crowded room and not feel like every single person is judging you, that you're not good enough to be there and you don't have to use humor as a crutch, that my friends, is a great day. Normal to everyone else... But a great victory for us anxious people.

Life is beautiful. So are you. Don't forget it.