Poifection

My name is Hannah and I have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder {MDD} and a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder {GAD}.  AKA: I suffer from depression and anxiety.  This isn't something new that I have struggled with, in fact it has gone on for years and years and years.  However, only within the last 7 months have I taken an interest in my mental health wellbeing and decided to seek help.  Real, professional, legit help.  That's how I found my sweet therapist. [interested in therapy but haven't taken the plunge yet? come talk to me!]. 

In the almost seven months that I have been actively engaged in biweekly therapy, I have seen my life change.  Completely change.  Where I was about to say hopefully for the better, I know for a fact it has been for the better.  For so long, I was a victim of my circumstances.  I let depression and anxiety control me.  I wasn't happy with myself, my relationships, my job, my school, my life, my family, my calling... BUT NOT NO MO! 

***Surely I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy, anger, sadness, depression and fear.  However, I now have the skills to get myself out of those negatives and turn them into positives.***

Getting on with this story of POIFECTION:

With these biweekly sessions, it is generally in the last 2 minutes of my 60 minute sessions, Carol hits me hard with a little nugget [totes hate the word nugget but don't want to change it. nugget, nugget, nugget...] of knowledge that usually leaves me speechless and confirms why she's the professional and I'm not. 

This last session was no different.  As we are getting ready to go our separate ways, Carol says something along the lines of: "See how happy you are now that you aren't trying to be perfect?"

WAIT.  WHAT.

You have gots ta be kidding me! 

SEE. HOW. HAPPY. YOU. ARE. NOW. THAT. YOU. AREN'T. TRYING. TO. BE. PERFECT

Never did I think I was striving for perfection.  But when you get down to the very core of it, that was my life.  I wanted to maintain this facade that everything in life was golden... That required so much work. SO. MUCH. WORK.  

That's not even the worst part.  I tried to be perfect--knowing that perfection wasn't/isn't attainable.  Then.. THEN.. I had the audacity to beat myself up if I fell short of the "perfection" standard.  Gurl, u don lost ya mind.

A simple idea; yet, an insanely difficult task to complete.

When we aren't trying to be perfect, that is when we become our very happiest happy.  

Reflecting on this glorious idea of not trying to be perfect, I realize there are some choice things that need to be done in order to reach this mindset. 

applaud yourself for the small things 
{or ANYTHING}
  • You had 10 hershey's kisses instead of the whole bag?  I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
  • You didn't get an A in the class? And your GPA dropped?  But you are still getting a degree? #YOU #GO #GLEN #COCO
  • You got out of bed today? GOOD FOR YOU.
  • You worked out today? FANTASTIC!
    • "But, I didn't work out yesterday..."
      • WHO CARES!! You did it today. You made the choice to get up and work out.  We can't beat ourselves up for the past.  Which brings me to...
  • You walked away from a fight?  Even tho you were obviously right and the person is just being an obvious jerk? U DA REAL MVP.
make peace with the past
  • Seriously. Ana and Elsa that ish and just leeeeetttt itttttttt goooooo!
  • #BYEFELICIA
  • Learn from it... Then move on. 
  • What good does it serve you to constantly be thinking of things you can't change? 
    • It's done and over.  There is no turning back.  You have no control over the time.
      • Take the cheesy quote to heart: Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift.  That's why it's called the present.
  • Ask yourself: How can I take this experience and use it to my advantage? 

be in the moment
  • Present. Here and Now. 
  • Take the time to be in the moment. 
  • You have five senses.  USE THEM.
    • What do you hear? What do you smell? How does it feel? What can you see? Can you taste it? 
  • When you live in the past, you are subjecting yourself to depression.  The things you can't change.  When you constantly worry about the future, the anxiety creeps in.  Don't let it.  Be here. Right now.  In the moment.
  • Simply let it be. 
write
  • This.  This has been such a beautiful way to get feelings out.  
  • It's simply purging thoughts and emotions.  Getting them out of your system.
  • Write anything and everything that comes to mind. Don't erase or worry about grammar.  Repeat yourself.  Yell.  Write in all caps.  Literally get every last feeling regarding whatever you're working through onto paper.  Then, throw it away.  Get rid of it.  Burn it.  Shred it.  Destroy it.  It's now done with and we can move on.
  • Try it, I dare you.

Finally, remind yourself everyday: 
it is A-OKAY that you are not {poifect}
  • I hate to break it to you... But, I'll be the bad guy just this once.
    • You, dear friend, are not perfect.  And unfortunately, in this life, you will never be perfect. 
  • Want to know what you can be, though?  
  • You can be happy.  You can find joy in the journey. This life isn't meant to be endured, it's meant to be enjoyed [shout out--G.B.Hinckley]. 
  • Sometimes, or all the time, it's okay to be in the "I" club.  Because you are an individual who doesn't need to conform to societies' standards to be worthwhile.  You can be unapologetically YOU. Embrace that!
You deserve to take the time and smell the roses that this life has to offer.  It has taken me a long time to realize that.  But, nonetheless,  they are there!  There is so much goodness in the world if you but take the time to stop, look around and realize.  

Even if you feel like no-one is there for you, the world is falling apart, nothing is going right, you aren't as good as you should be... Know that there is a girl, named Hannah Nicole, that loves you more than anything.  She wants you to succeed and to be happy.  

This baby list is full of a few of the most important things that I have done in my journey to happiness, contentment and self-love.  If you so dare, give them a whirl, yourself, and let me know your results.  OR, if you have something to add, HOLLA AT YA GURL.

I love you like the longest love song. Yes, YOU. As your perfectly imperfect self. 


PS: Life is still going to happen... There are going to be things that are unexpected, heartbreaking, disheartening, saddening, infuriating, depressing [the list could go on and on] but it is up to YOU to take matters into your own hands and seek out the good.  Look for the happy!

1 comment

  1. Sometimes I write down EVERYTHING that makes me smile. Even if it's a baby smile.
    It helps me to appreciate the good in every day.

    Also. I love you. More than words can describe.

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