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H E Y

Let’s talk about everything.  Like… EVERYTHING!!!


I haven’t blogged in two months.  Two months of my life you are missing out on.  Better yet, two months of my feelings that I haven’t gotten down.  Shame on you, Hannah.

Let's see if there are any photos from the last two months that you might enjoy (;

Mandy's baby-shower happened.
#CamdenRyder

Sophia and I indulged in a Casting Crowns' concert. SO. GOOD.  
My caption for this photo was: 
"There is something so powerful, so magical, so inspiring, about being in a room with thousands of people who love the Lord. I'm here to tell you, Jesus Christ lives and Jesus Christ loves.  As I was surrounded by those who have the same love and passion for Jesus as I, I became so overwhelmed by the thought that I am a child of God. A literal daughter of a king! What a beautiful testimony builder to be had! God knows us and God loves us.  He sent his perfect son, our elder brother, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins that we may return to him. I testify of that! God the father and Jesus Christ live and love! My heart is so full."
This statement is still so relevant and I'm still so grateful for Jesus Christ. 

After I didn't do so well on the GRE, Sophia and I went to the Jacksonville Fair with some of our favorite people [who are all married... good thing Sophia is my person and counts as my pseudo-spouse? YAAAASSSS]

Sophia took my on a sister date.  She really is one of the most genuine and thoughtful human beings in all of the world.  She prefaced it with: "I don't have money to take you on a date but I figured since you always take me places that I would take you somewhere..." She packed a lunch and took me down SR13 to one of my favorite places for a picnic. Isn't she the best? That night ended with seeing Tyler at Publix and feeling uncomfortable by his mustache, eating cannoli with pregnant Mandy while some many cleaned her air vents and sitting around dad's fire while he played the guitar. 

Christopher and Matthew got married.  I just love this man a lot. A LOT. 

Another hangout date with our married friends to see Christmas lights. BEAUTIFUL! [I said they were lame at first and then had to eat my words because they were actually really neat...]

THIS. This snapchat from Sophia brings so much happiness to my life. She really does look like John, right?! HAHAHA!

There were tons of experiences these last two months that required a lot of faith, A lot of patience, A lot of love and a some really good people. I have learned a lot.  About myself and certainly about other people.

  • I learned that having a partner to help you in a calling can lead to complacency.  For the longest time, I was the only one working my calling.  WELL. Now I have someone and they are the absolute best. The very best {shout out 2 EBM 4 being da best}.  I don't think that is how it is supposed to work.  But, that's what happened here.  So it has been really difficult, ain't gonna lie, not shirking all responsibilities with my calling and partying everyday instead. I'm grateful to be tag teaming and I'm extra grateful for this sweet sister's patience with me.
  • I learned that sometimes we receive answers to prayers and when we show willingness to act on them, it suddenly becomes clear that God just wanted to see if we were willing to follow His plan for us and when we do, He immediately switches it so that we have a new and even more difficult thing to pray/ponder about and ultimately trust and follow Him.  Does that make sense?  I guess... I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes God tests me to see if I'd be willing to do a hard thing and when I agree to it and I start actively doing it, He changes things up and gives me a new and even more difficult hard thing to accomplish. I'm slowly learning that I can do hard things and not want to die. [KEYWORD: S L O W L Y]
  • I learned that essential oils are actually the real deal... I never in my wildest dreams thought that a 3 week sinus infection, that was treated with antibiotics and went away [that I didn't finish because I thought I was healed after 3 days] and then came back with a fierce vengeance would be healed with oregano oil. I'm telling you people... Grandma's voodoo works. 
  • I learned that I will be the worst parent when it comes to having kids in athletics. THE. WORST. Watching John play basketball has been the most nerve wracking. I am the crazy lady that can't sit through a game and I'm obnoxiously loud and when it is so quiet because he's about to shoot free throws or something, I yell "#14 on the court, but #1 in my heart!" Naturally. I don't even think it embarrasses him anymore. 
  • I learned that snapchat isn't just for sending funny pictures but it is rather a place for siblings to grow closer.  My sisters and I snapchat every.single.day and that is YUGGGGE. Growing up, I was never particularly close with my oldest sisters.  Krysti is 8 years older and Mandy is 7 years older.  They graduated high school and moved out the house when I was still in elementary school. I saw them a lot but not like I do now.  It has been a really neat experience actually getting to know them and becoming BFFs. Not that I didn't think it would ever happen, I just wasn't expecting it to happen now. BUT, I am so happy it did. I love them. I love them a lot. I especially love how much they love my Sophia.  Y'all know how much I love that little girl [that's a whole other blog post about blended families....]. On the real, I love this sweet family of mine and the knowledge that we are eternal.
  • I learned, since were talking about friends, that sometimes friends come from the most unexpected of places.  Some of my favorite people have been those that served missions in the FJM.  One particular fella from the FJM, RJF, is my absolute favorite. God puts certain people in our lives and this guy is one of those choice people for me.  He is the most genuine, inspiring, funny and determined man west of the Mississippi.  He loves the Lord and he shares that with me regularly. He is definitely the Joe to my Barack. [PS: Hi, Lacey. We are totes in love. Getting married too.  
  • And, finally. one really important one that I learned is that sometimes God places certain people in our lives for a season. Just for a time.  And, when that time is over, you have to learn to let go. I am notorious for trying to please everyone and for trying to maintain friendships with people that don't necessarily want to be my friend.  This past month, I had to finally think about myself and my well being, in regards to this friendship, and unofficially end it. I have tried, for so long, to be friends with this person and they don't want that [or I'm assuming they don't want that because they refuse to talk to me].  Not because we had a falling out or something extremely traumatizing happen, we just drifted apart? Maybe? I still don't know.  But it made me sad for a long time. A long, long, LONG time.  It still makes me sad. I'm sad right now talking about it.  However, in order to not be sad I needed to quit trying.  Whether I follow through and actually quit trying, remains to be seen, but for now I am done trying.  And I'm happy about that. Maybe not happy but rather content.  I am content. 
    • I wish them all of the happiness and will continue to pray for them when I think about them but for now, homegirl Hannah needs to think about herself and remove herself from situations where she isn't appreciate or even acknowledged. 
Y'all.... It's been a good few months. I am blessed. 

I still struggle everyday with mental health and with feelings of loneliness and sadness and frustration and sometimes despair. But,I'm getting there. I don't really know where THERE is, but I'm going. 

I have more good days than bad and that is all I could ask for.

And on a side note, I bought myself a key chain... That says----- 
and it was the greatest purchase I've made to date. 

2 comments

  1. Oh my Hannah yer Blogs fill me the great joy and relief that you are a constant beacon of shining hope in a world that is sometimes so dark. I crazy love you Kid����

    Pops

    ReplyDelete
  2. That keychain is the BEST! Learning from you is my favorite :)

    ReplyDelete